


Internal

by delatrose (cavloe12)



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Family Drama, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Itachi Back At His Bullshit, Law School Sasuke, Light Angst, Multi, Panic Attacks, Rainbow Cat, Sexuality Crisis, coming to terms
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-11
Updated: 2018-12-30
Packaged: 2019-08-21 21:05:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16584185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cavloe12/pseuds/delatrose
Summary: Itachi had been begging him to take a vacation for months, but he should've known that it could never be a simple vacation if Itachi had planned it. Now, he's left contemplating his brother's choice of friends and wondering if maybe there's something wrong with the both of them.





	1. Sasuke Has Sleepy Bitch Disorder

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is a very personal story I’ve been working on for a bit now. It will really explore the themes of (internalized) homophobia quite a bit as well as depression and social anxiety so if those are things that bother you please be advised. I tried to handle these situations in the best way I could and I am personally a gay man so I’ve actually experienced some of these things in a way (a trans way) and I’ll tell you it has a happy ending bc if it didn’t it would send me into a spiraling depression! So! Enjoy!
> 
> Also I'm currently looking for a beta for this and possibly some other works and do not plan on updating this until I find one. I currently have almost 17k words on this fic and I really can't count on myself to edit things without someone else pushing me into it and possibly helping me along (see: all my other works) so if you want to work with me you should be aware of that. Also, other than just looking at grammar and spelling/word mistakes, I'd like someone who can tell me if something looks stupid, reads poorly, or just kind of sucks bc I really, really appreciate that (knowing that one part of my work sucks at least means the whole thing probably doesn't).

He got home and threw his bag on the kitchen counter, flopping back against the couch and not even bothering to take off his belt and jacket. He rubbed his fingers against his forehead, sighing as he lay back and closed his eyes, trying and failing to rest. Before he could really try, however, his phone started ringing incessantly and he rolled over, trying to reach for his bag without getting up. He pouted as he realized he couldn’t and stood reluctantly.

By the time he reached his phone, it had just stopped ringing and he sighed exasperatedly as he looked at his missed call. Itachi. Great. What could he possibly want? He pulled his brother up in his contacts and called him back.

“What,” he said with the most annoyed tone he could create.

“Sasuke. You just got back from your last day at the internship, right?” his brother asked, completely ignoring his annoyance.

“Yeah?”

“Do you want to tell me about it before I tell you what I called you for?” He knew it wasn’t really an invitation so he sighed and began describing his day.

“We basically just finished up all our paperwork and had a party, nothing much.” He said with a shrug. Yeah, it hadn’t been too tiresome a day but he hated parties with a burning passion and didn’t really like any of the interns he’d worked with so having to see them all day had been exhausting.

“Sounds fun,” he could hear the sarcasm in his brother’s voice and rolled his eyes. “Did you say goodbye to that girl we ran into the other day?” He dropped his head and silently gagged, he’d run into one of his fellow interns while he was out with his family a few days ago and his parents hadn’t shut up about it since. He knew his brother was only teasing him about it but just hearing him talk about it he knew he was going to get an earful from his parents when he told them he didn’t get her phone number.

“No, actually, she wasn’t there. I think she was out sick,” he lied.

“Aw, that’s a shame,” Itachi teased.

“Oh, shut up. What did you even call me about anyway?”

“Well, your internship is over now and you don’t have school for… how long again?”

“’Til August,” he said apprehensively, his eyes narrowing as he realized the direction Itachi was taking.

“Well, I convinced father and mother that you could use a break in that time and they said they’d pay for whatever vacation you want as long as you stay in Japan.” He rubbed his forehead again and sighed.

“Look, Itachi, I app—”

“Don’t try that ‘I don’t need a vacation’ BS on me, I’ve seen you through your worst times last semester, even if you don’t think you need one, you deserve one and if you stay at home you’re just going to work yourself even harder. Just pick a place in Japan, any place you’ve never been or have been and loved though I honestly can’t think of a place we’ve been to you were overenthusiastic about.” He sighed and closed his eyes as he laid back on the couch again. “Please, Sasuke, even if not for yourself, for me? I’d love—”

“Hokkaido,” he interrupted.

“Hokkaido? The whole island?”

“No, just one city. I don’t want to spend the whole time going place to place.”

“We’ve been to Sapp—”

“Not Sapporo. Not a big city, not a place with too many people but not some place with only five hundred people either.”

“I have a friend who lives in Wakkanai.” Sasuke quickly goes on Google maps and looks up where that is.

“That’s pretty far north,” he commented.

“That it is, but it’s summer so it’ll be a nice break. If there’s a heat wave here in Tokyo you’ll at least survive.” Sasuke snorted as he looked through the city’s website.

“This place doesn’t seem half bad,” he mused.

“No, it’s very nice. Not too big and not too small, lots of natural beauty and you can even take a ferry out to a couple of volcanic islands nearby.”

“They’re not active, right?” He asked, half-joking.

“Of course not.” He smirked at the huffy tone his brother took. “Plus, you can stay with my friends if you like, it’s their vacation house so they likely won’t be there often and that way you won’t have to worry about spending too much of mother and father’s money.”

“I don’t need to worry about wasting their money, they have enough already,” he snorted. He heard Itachi laugh on the other side of the phone and considered it a victory. “Fine, I’ll do this for you. Take a vacation, stay at your friends’, whatever.”

“Thank you, Sasuke, I hope you’ll still enjoy it.”

“I’ll try,” he acquiesces.

“Well, you hang in there. I’ll call my friend and tell him to expect you in… a week?”

“Sounds good,” he sighed, “love you.”

“You too, Sasuke.” He smiled tiredly at his brother’s reluctance to return the sentiment and hung up. Now that he’d done that he thought it was a good time for a nap and took the throw pillow out from under his legs and took a nap right there.

When he woke up again it was about an hour later and he groaned as he stood up, his back sore from the discomfort of the couch. He stretched and sighed again, his head still groggy. He hated feeling some kind of anticipation for his trip now as he wondered what kind of things there would be to do there. There was the beach, of course, and the mountains to explore but he might want to explore some of the things in the city as well. He’d be staying with a local, it probably wouldn’t be hard to get them to take him around town. Maybe it wouldn’t be that bad, and he could at least read that book he’d been meaning to get on with.

He yawned as he dragged himself over to the kitchen to make dinner, well, maybe it was too early for dinner but he planned on sleeping again as soon as he was done so it might as well be. He thought about his day as he heated up his pre-cooked meal.

It had never been that he hated his studies, he loved law. It was one of the most interesting things in the world to him, he loved studying policies and the way laws were interpreted throughout society, but being a lawyer, that was the problem. He hated the long hours and being forced to fight for people who were guilty, or people he’d detest outside the courtroom. There was no way around it, that was the life of a lawyer. If only he could do nothing but study he’d be perfectly happy. He told his old advisor this and he’d said he should just become a professor but it wasn’t that easy, was it? All the professors at the law school had been lawyers before they became professors and most were still lawyers afterwards.

Maybe he should just quit law school and get a history degree, he already had his undergrad in that and it wasn’t as if he didn’t like the subject at all. He could just focus in law and help all the pre-law students get through their innocent years. But the problem with that was his parents. They would hate that idea and though they probably wouldn’t take away the money they gave him for food and an apartment they would definitely nag him constantly and his mother would call him every day. God.

In a way, they already did that with their nagging him to get a girlfriend, his mother calling weekly to know if he’d met any girls and subsequently telling him he ought to go out more to try and meet someone. Thing is he hated going out, he hated being surrounded by people he didn’t know or care about and trying to make someone care about him. He knew that was how you made friends, how you became less lonely but, honestly, he was fine. He had his family, he had Itachi and his three friends from undergrad, he didn’t need anyone else.

And other than that, being with girls just made him uncomfortable. He’d enjoyed a few girls' company but never anything past friendship. He’d had plenty of girls confess to him but he’d never so much as had a second thought about them like they saw him. He just couldn’t. Some deep part of himself probably felt guilty for that and maybe that was why he isolated himself. He feared someone might fall in love with him and he’d be unable to reciprocate it and he was so scared of hurting people. He didn’t want to disappoint anyone.


	2. Gays Don't Actually Exist btw

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please excuse Sasuke, he only exhibits some of the prevailing beliefs many Japanese men (and men worldwide tbh) have towards gay men and is dealing with his own sense of internalized homophobia that he just doesn’t understand yet. This story is literally just about that but he will get over himself quickly, he does learn.
> 
> Also, originally I had Hashirama and Madara as two of my ocs (not Naruto-related ocs tho I do have those) and then I decided to change that but a lot of the backstory of the characters (professions and origins) came from those two so if you’re wondering about where I got it from (it is not from a different anime, which btw I’ve never seen the one you’ll think of before so :knife:)

A week later he was at Wakkanai Airport looking for a sign with his name on it or whatever the person picking him up would use to signal him. Itachi hadn’t given him a name or anything so he could look up anything about his host but there weren’t many other people in the airport since it was pretty small so he started to worry maybe his pick-up hadn’t arrived yet.

He turned around abruptly from a tap on his shoulder and saw a very stylish grandfather standing behind him.

“You are Uchiha Sasuke, correct?” He nodded bemusedly. The man’s accent was very odd, somewhere between the Hokkaido dialect and an American one. He didn’t look American at all, though, with silver, rectangular glasses, a cream turtleneck and black skinny jeans that fit him oh, so perfectly. He had a couple grey streaks in his hair but it didn’t detract from his attractiveness, in fact it may have even enhanced it, his long, brown hair pulled over one shoulder and the small strands in front locked behind a thick headband. His smile was charismatic and slightly nervous but overall he seemed warm and kind, not some seedy asshole like he’d worried about when Itachi had told him to “trust me.”

“You are… Itachi's friend?” The man nodded and smiled. It suddenly hit him what the man looked like. He looked like an artist. Definitely not someone his optometrist brother would be friends with.

“Senju Hashirama, pleasure to finally meet you, your brother talks of you often." He had to hide a blush as the man bowed politely, he hated when Itachi did that. "The house isn’t actually far from here, we’re lucky that way. This city may have quite a few people but it’s very spread out so sometimes it’s like a bunch of smaller towns pushed together.” He followed as the man began to walk down the street to a car.

“Like Tokyo?” He asked and received an chuckle from the taller man.

“Something like that. Our house right between the ocean and Koetoi river so if you want water you can walk in pretty much any direction and find it. There are barriers right out by our part of the ocean but you can walk a little and they’ll be gone. I wouldn’t recommend getting in the water much, though, it’s pretty cold all year round.” He nodded in understanding as he sat in the passenger's seat of an admittedly very nice car.

“This is the northernmost city in Japan?” he asked, looking around him as they headed out of the airport parking lot.

“Ah, yes! And there’s a couple of places you can go to that are monuments to that. Technically, Cape Soya is the northernmost point in Japan but I recommend the Gate of Ice and Snow. Much better view, you can see the whole of Wakkanai harbor. It’s also more romantic, my husband and I had our first Japanese date there.” He said it so casually Sasuke almost couldn’t help but blush.

“I see,” he said cautiously. “Is there anything else to do?” He didn’t think he’d ever met a gay person. He knew, technically, that they existed but he’d never really actually come face to face with one and with how casually he’d dropped it the man must have thought he knew. That meant Itachi knew. Itachi had sent him here to stay with his friend that he knew was gay. How did Itachi even have a gay friend?

“Hmm, there’s a couple bars I like to go by. Not gay, don’t worry, I don’t think we have anything like that here, but they’re very nice. One has live shows of island bands every Friday so I tend towards that one a lot. It’s never very busy, just a very laid-back and relaxing place to get a drink and here a band. I think you’ll find a lot of places here are like that. It’s a good place to just get away from the hustle and bustle while still feeling connected to the world. Plenty of pachinko parlors too, if that’s your scene.”

“No to the Pachinko but definitely to the getting away part.”

“I could tell” he said with a chuckle. “Today let’s stay at the house, I’ll show you around town tomorrow. You’re free to leave, of course, but no tour til then.” He didn’t know why but the man gave off a very relaxed atmosphere, an easy gentleness that seemed to spread throughout the car. He knew he should be at full alert around this man, not knowing what he could do next, but for some reason he just felt calm. “How’s life treating you?”

“Uh, you know, law school, little down time, no social life.” The man nodded his head in solemn understanding.

“Yep, that sounds just like Itachi. Well, but you know replace the law with medicine. You’re his little brother for sure.” He narrowed his eyes slightly, looking pointedly out the front window.  
“If you don’t mind me asking, how do you know Itachi?” he asked.

“How do I know him? Oh, you’ll have to ask him that. But, let’s just say we helped each other out a while back.” Sasuke was not satisfied at all with that answer and only narrowed his eyes further.

“So what do you do?”

“Me? Oh, I’m a psychology professor at Washira. I study childhood trauma and how it effects development mostly. I also coach figure skating and choreograph some idol bands on the side.” Psychology? That wasn’t what he’d expected at all. The dance made some sense, but psychology? And at such a nice school? And he was gay? How were all those things even possible.

“So you live in Tokyo?” he asked, the rest of his questions seemed too invasive so he asked the simplest one.

“Yes, this is one of our vacation homes,” he noted the word ‘one’, “my family lives in this city so we bought it to stay close to them. I’m going back in a couple of days but he might come back at any time. He’s a mangaka and this place gives him a lot of inspiration so he comes and goes fairly often.”

“A mangaka?” he asked.

“Oh, yeah, you might have heard of him. Senju Madara?” Oh. It hit him like a bag of bricks. Oh. That made a lot of sense. He’d definitely heard of Senju Madara before, though he’d never read any of his manga. He’d been a figure skater back in the 70s and won Japan its first gold in the sport, becoming an idol of the nation until he came out and told the world he was living with his boyfriend in New York. It happened before it was born but it was still something he’d heard about especially in college as figure skating became more popular again and his new work came out in a big splash.

“Yeah, I’ve heard of him.”

“Probably not from his manga, though, right?” There was an odd sense of pride to his voice that Sasuke just didn’t understand. How could someone be proud of something like that? He’d ruined his whole career just to… what? Be with someone he loved? Was that kind of thing really worth it? “If you’re interested, we have a large manga collection back at the house that you’re free to peruse. I’m a bit of an otaku, I have to admit, but it’s all my husband’s fault. I didn’t even read manga before he started writing it.”

The man laughed lightly, tilting his head back as Sasuke watched on bemusedly. They pulled into the driveway and got out of the car. There was a steady breeze and the smell of salt on his face as he took in his new surroundings. The sky above them was grey and the ground a lush green. There wasn’t much sand like he’d seen at southern beaches but instead pebbles everywhere and harsh, gravelly soil. He could see the ocean just beyond the house and the river on just the other side. It felt… peaceful.

The house itself was a rather modern 2-story and an odd grey-beige color complimented by a blue metal roof and slate grey entrance. There was a small yard beside the house with a little greenhouse in it, seemingly filled with plants and it wasn’t very large but it not that small either. They had many neighbors but only one very close, giving off an isolated but surrounded feeling which suited him quite well. There were two small bowls with little cat heads on the stoop, one empty and the other filled with water. He internally smiled at the thought of them having a cat, he’d always wanted one but his apartment didn’t allow them.

Despite his earlier worries, he felt somewhat relaxed by the house and the atmosphere. It felt almost normal somehow and he wondered how it was possible to live with so many contradictions. He watched quietly as the man unlocked the door and waved his hand, to invite him in. He quickly followed behind, looking in the doorway slightly and seeing a grey cat standing by the doorway. He smiled as he approached it, bending down as he got to it.  
“This is Niji, he’s a sweet boy. He can take care of himself if you let him out but if you want there’s also bowls for him inside and he’ll love you if you let him sit on your lap and scratch his head.” Sasuke nodded as he did exactly that, watching the kitty’s head turn in his hand with an amused huff.

“Hmm, what else is there…. Ah! You may use the car whenever you’d like when we’re not here, if we are just ask. Your room is on the second floor, there is both a bath and shower upstairs and downstairs but we prefer you use the upstairs one. Niji’s food is in that bag over there, he gets no more than that cup beside it twice a day. You’re welcome to use the kitchen whenever you like and fill it with food or use what we have. Would you like some tea?” He nodded and the other went over to the kitchen to start. “Oh, and don’t touch any of Madara’s art supplies, you’ll just ruin his mess.”

He sat down at the dining table and looked around him. The décor was both inviting and modern with colorful jewel tones mixed seamlessly with neutrals to amplify the space while making it just nice to look at. Niji hopped up in his lap and he looked down, patting his head as he settled into his lap. As his host had talked about the kitchen he’d started to worry about where he was going to get his food. He didn’t really know how to cook at all and the amount of microwave meals in this town was probably limited. Maybe his host knew how to cook and would help him learn, or maybe the neighbors. Why did going on vacation seem to force him to interact more? Maybe this was part of Itachi’s pan, he thought as he internally groaned. 

“The wifi name and password is on the router and service out here isn’t half bad…” his host continued talking about the house and he only half-listened, looking around even more. On the walls he saw pictures of foreigners, Hashirama, a girl who seemed to grow throughout the series of photos, and a lot of cows. It all seemed relatively… normal. It felt slightly odd to think of it that way now and he felt kind of bad. He didn’t really seem very gay at all.

“I don’t mean to be rude but why do you call him your husband? You can’t get married here, can you?” He asked as the tea was brought over to him. The man smiled lightly at him.

“No, technically we can’t and if we could we might not anyway. It’s just that boyfriend just sounds too childish and I always want to remind people I’m gay so partner is no good.”  
“Wait, why wouldn’t you get married even if you could?”

“Well, we could probably get married now. I have citizenship in the U.S., could easily get a job and get married there but it’s not really on my agenda.”

“So you could but you… don’t?”

“Young Sasuke, marriage is not the culmination of every relationship, it is not what everyone aspires to. All I want is to share his name and to be able to see him when he’s in the hospital and I’ve got that. There’s nothing more the state could give me in marriage. Sure, marriage is a dream for many other gays, but I look forward more to a world where people don’t feel the need to ask me if I’m married.” The man gave him a genuine smile and he felt somewhat embarrassed.

“That makes sense.” It didn’t, really. “I… didn’t know Itachi had any friends like you,” he said sheepishly.

“Oh, Itachi has many friends like me,” he said with a laugh. Sasuke wasn’t so sure he liked the man’s slightly derisive laugh or the emphasis on ‘like me’. It was like he was implying something that Sasuke really didn’t want to think about right now. After that there was quiet as the two of them drank their tea, Niji still purring loudly from his lap.

He took his luggage up to his room and sat in his bed, looking out the window which had a lovely view of the ocean. He quietly watched the waves roll lazily against the shore under the cloudy sky and sighed. Even with his slightly odd host, he hoped he could find peace here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Niji means rainbow in Japanese and I thought it was cute bc haha his owners are gay (there’s also more to it coming next chapter dealing with our favorite dead rich boy) also he’s a Russian blue as a bit of a tease for our favorite boy boy (you know). I also wrote this story bc straight Itachi is the bane of my existence.


	3. Selfishness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: imagine having such a good relationship with your family that you willingly call them sometimes
> 
> Reminder: this is a story about internalized homophobia, not externalized homophobia so I’m trying to keep that to a minimum bc honestly I don’t enjoy writing it.
> 
> Also don’t @ me but sasuke’s boruto hair is good and he has it here (I’m not saying this bc I have the same hairstyle, mine’s longer!!!)

He found that his host was an excellent cook and dreaded the time when he had to leave if only because this food was some of the best he’d ever had. He was also thankful the man didn’t try to engage him in conversation unless he started it because he had come here to get away from small talk and the usual mundane interactions involved in being around people constant. Instead he was allowed to sit quietly with a small warmth in his lap from the ever-present Niji and look out the window as he ate.

He felt like he could never get tired just from this view. Maybe to some the clouds were gloomy and the sea not bright enough but to him it felt perfect, a sense of deep melancholy and relaxation overcame him looking at such a sight. As if all things were right in his worlds at that moment.

There was a knock at the door that startled him out of his thoughts and he felt Niji softly hop out of his lap and watched him pad over. Hashirama walked past him to go and open the door and he heard the sounds of two voices outside the door and Niji meowing pitifully, rolling on his back as his host greeted the newcomers. One of the voices was very light and dainty, feminine and sweet while the other was deep and harsh but with just enough gentleness that it was more annoying than intimidating.

“Ah, Sasuke, I hate to ask but could you come over here? I’d like to introduce you to our neighbors. Just so they don’t think you’re squatting in my house and call the cops or something.” He stood up reluctantly and walked over to the door, watching a man appear in the doorway, glaring at Niji who was laid back below him and meowing precociously. Eventually the woman he’d heard came into the sight as well, they looked very similar so they probably (hopefully) weren’t a couple. Her hair was darker than his but they were both about the same length and their eyes were the exact same shade of silver that was almost piercing although the girl’s were less so just due to her nervous disposition.

“Hey,” he greeted coolly. The man who’d been staring at Niji looked sharply up at him and the girl fidgeted her fingers.

“Neji, Hinata, this is Sasuke. He’ll be staying here for the next… how long are you here?”

“Til August,” he replied.

“Ah, two months then. Sasuke, these are our neighbors: Neji,” he pointed at the man who dipped his head politely, “and Hinata,” he pointed at the girl who startled and quickly nodded.

“It is nice to meet you,” Neji said elegantly.

“Neji? Like Niji?” The man looked annoyed by the comparison and beside him he saw Hashirama smile with widely in amusement.

“Exactly. We thought it was funny because they’re practically opposites and since Niji gives color to our lives.”

“Is that meant to imply that I drain it?” the man retorted.

“No, not at all, Neji. We all know you’re just a big softy under all that huffiness. That’s the real hidden meaning.” Neji huffed in annoyance. “You’re like cloudy days, good but for a different reason and promising replenishing rain.” He watched a blush form over the other man’s face.

“Please don’t say those kind of things in front of the new person, it’s very embarrassing.” Hashirama laughed beside him and he felt himself smirk lightly.

“It doesn’t bother me.” The man turned to him with a piercing look, the blush quickly draining from his face.

“Well, Neji usually takes care of his counterpart while we’re not here so if you have any questions about our little friend just ask him.” Neji dipped his head again before turning back to Hashirama.

“And don’t forget, he prefers the non-clumping type, you have a fancy litter box, don’t you? You shouldn’t even be worried about it,” he scolded.

“You’re probably right, I’m just thinking about when I’m not here,” Hashirama replied pathetically.

“When you’re not here he’ll just come over to my place,” the other argued. Hinata stood off to the side watching them bicker just as he was. She smiled at him in apology and he stared blankly back at her until she looked away again.

“Or he could stay with Sasuke,” Hashirama said with a smirk. Neji sent him a piercing glare that he returned.

“I’ve never had a pet,” he grit out.

“Really? Niji must just really like you then. He even sat on your lap instead of mine during tea. I guess he must have a type.”

“What does that mean?” He and Neji interjected at the same time. They sent each other a glare. Hashirama just laughed at them and he saw Hinata covering her mouth as she shook lightly.

“I think you two’ll get along just fine.”

“Neji!” He heard a shout from the street and all four of them turned to it. He saw a boy with a bowl but and girl with two brown buns coming their way and immediately prepared an exit out of this particular social situation.

“Hey Hinata, you ready for the competition?” the girl with the two buns asked and he watched the two boys pause slightly, sending each other a look of slight fear.

“Of course! Should we call up Kiba and Shino?” the girl asked with a small smile and a devilish glint in her eyes.

“A brilliant idea, does Sakura have time?” Hinata shook her head lightly, a light blush and a disappointed smile gracing her lips. “Aw, bummer.”

“I’ve got to go call Itachi,” he excused and quickly left the rapidly escalating scene. It was technically the truth since he hadn’t called his brother yet despite saying he’d do that when he landed but mostly he did not want to be the next asked along to whatever it was they were doing.

“Sasuke? You’ve landed?” Itachi greeted with a slight tinge of anxiety to his voice.

“Yeah, a while ago,” he replied apologetically. Itachi had always been rather protective of him so calling him late like this had probably made him worry.

“Good. How do you like it there?” he asked.

“It’s nice, relaxing. I haven’t seen much of the city yet but it looks small enough. Everything feels so peaceful,” he says softly.

“Are you glad I forced you there yet?” He huffed a laugh.

“I guess,” he said. “But my host… you didn’t tell me he was…”

“I know. I should’ve told you beforehand but I didn’t want it to bother you. Hashirama’s a very good man and Madara’s, well, he’s very dedicated to his work so you probably won’t see him much if he’s there.”

“How did you even meet him?” he asked.

“That’s a long story,” Itachi said quietly. It was almost like he was nervous to say which only worried Sasuke more.

“It—”

“Do you remember that little girl I told you about who came in last week with the stuffed lion?” His brother quickly interjected.

“Yes,” he sighed. Itachi was always doing this, keeping things from him, changing the subject when it came to important things, sometimes even outright lying. Maybe it was his way of protecting his precious little brother but Sasuke hated it. He just wanted to talk openly with his brother. He shared everything that was going on in his life, why couldn’t Itachi do the same? He couldn’t confront him about it now, at least, he was on vacation and supposed to be relaxing.

Some start to a vacation this was, suddenly worrying about his brother and considering that maybe he was gay. Itachi was gay. It had never even been an option but now he felt like his whole world was collapsing on itself, his brother’s evasive actions and Hashirama’s teasing words, it all felt too interconnected and he ran his hands down his face in frustration. What if Itachi was gay? What would he do? What would it be like? Would his brother be any different? Would he still be able to see him as his brother? He’d have to. Even thinking about losing his brother hurt his heart. If Itachi really was gay… would he be angry? Annoyed? Neutral? Disappointed? That made sense. He’d be disappointed. He could never hate his brother but there was some sense of disappointment that settled deep in his gut. He looked up to his brother, admired him, and strived to outdo him If he found out such a thing was true he’d surely be disappointed.

He sighed and lay back on the bed, determined to take a nap and sleep off his anxieties. He’d had a long day, he deserved it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: bitch :) (baby) Sorry this took so long. You know, finals! (still didn’t do great tho…) Expect chapter 4 soon.


	4. But Itachi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do Japanese people eat things other than omurice for breakfast? I Guess We’ll Never Know. Also some fun talks w/ the gay elder
> 
> Sorry it's a little later than I said it'd be, had a power outage lol

The next day was bright and shiny and upon waking up he immediately closed his eyes again. The fucking sun. It was so damn light in his room there was no way he would get back to sleep even though it was only nine. He flopped off the bed, half-falling on his face as he got up. He groaned as he rubbed his sore cheek and stood up, his eyes closed as he struggled to the door so he didn’t have to be reminded of that bright sun. As soon as he got into the bathroom he remembered he hadn’t really unpacked yesterday and groaned again, trudging back to his room to get his shampoo and toothbrush.

“Good morning,” Hashirama greeted as he walked into the kitchen and he grunted in response. “So today’s the tour, we’ll head down further into town around one for lunch and eat at this little seafood shack and after that we’ll drive around and look at the country, stop whenever you want to, maybe visit my family’s farm if you want.”

“What kind of farm is it?”

“We raise cows for beef but my mother likes to milk them and make butter for the family. It’s where the milk you’ll drink today will be from! And if you want coffee and all that. Do you drink coffee?”

“Hn,” he confirmed, trying to keep up with the barrage of words Hashirama hit him with.

“Well I hope you like dark roast, that’s the only kind my husband will drink,” he said with a laugh.

“It’s my favorite,” he replies.

“Really? You two are so similar in some ways, almost like family.”

“I think I’d know if I was related to someone like him,” he says bitterly. Hashirama doesn’t say anything else as he brings over a plate omurice that smells lovely. He cuts it up and starts eating, amazed how you could make such a simple dish so incredible, it was way better than his mother’s. “Where did you learn to cook?”

“My uncle owns the seafood shack we’re going to today, I learned most everything I know from him. Wait until you taste his take on tempura, it’s phenomenal.” He nodded, not doubting it at all if an imitation was this good. They were silent for a bit as they ate their breakfast peacefully before Sasuke’s mind started running back to his phone call with Itachi last night.

“Is it hard to be gay?” he asked abruptly. He knew it must’ve been very rude since Hashirama just kind of laughed at him.

“Hard?” he chuckled. “Yes, it’s very hard. Often you feel isolated and separated from society because there’s this one part of you that you feel no one will ever understand and you are so hesitant to share that worry tends to consume you. It can be a very lonely life, especially before you come out,” the older man explained patiently. Sasuke pursed his lips and thought about that for a bit, that was a bit like himself, wasn’t it—no, he wouldn’t let himself think like that. He was lonely but only because he chose to be, it had nothing to do with who he liked romantically. He sighed as he ate his last bite of food.

“How did your… family take it when you came out to them?” He asked more cautiously this time.

“My family? Pretty well, actually. You’d think it’d be bad because I’m a farm boy but they were actually very accepting. I called my mom and whispered it to her all apprehensive and she just said ‘oh, that’s it?’” the man laughed whole-heartedly, “like it was nothing!”

“I see,” Sasuke said pensively.

“Madara’s family, however, took it very poorly. They disowned him, kicked him out, and left him for dead. If my family hadn’t taken him in… I don’t know what he would’ve done.” He could see tears welling in Hashirama’s eyes as his grip tightened on his cup. “Just thinking about him out on the streets I can’t… Sasuke, your family is rather conservative, aren’t they?” Sasuke nodded slowly. “How do you think they’d react if you came out to them? You or your brother or whoever.”

His parents? How would they react? He hadn’t thought about that yet. Would they also disown and abandon Itachi if he came out? What would Sasuke do if they did that? It suddenly dawned on him that everything was bigger than him, that there was more to it than just how he felt and he blushed, feeling embarrassed for thinking so selfishly.

“I… it wouldn’t be great I guess. My parents are… very strict and conservative, like you said. I don’t—I don’t know—I…” He had started to panic thinking about how his parents would react. Would he be kicked out? Would they let him see his brother again? Itachi could take care of himself for sure, but his brother was one of the only people he cared about in his life. “I won’t—” he stood up abruptly, not really thinking, “I won’t let them take him from me.”

He glared menacingly at Hashirama, watching a smile spread across his face at the sight of his agitation.

“I’m glad to here it,” he said jovially, standing to pat Sasuke on the back. “Now, I’m going to play some music and clean the dishes then work on my research ‘til we leave. You are welcome to do whatever you like just don’t forget we’re going at one.” Sasuke, still a little on edge, nodded shortly as Hashirama picked up their dirty plates and headed to the kitchen.

He decided to take a walk with the three hours until his tour, heading out the back door towards the beach. Despite the sun, it was still very nice and he tried putting a hand in the water only to pull it right back out. How was it that cold in late May? Well, he supposed the weather was also rather chilly compared to Tokyo and even if the air itself wasn’t cold, it probably took longer for the water to warm up. He always loved the feeling of wind through his hair and it was so strong here he could almost feel himself being pulled along with it, the bushes rustling roughly in the background. It was all so different to the southern beaches he’d been to when he was younger.

It was almost as if the atmosphere of the land stimulated his thoughts as he soon found it almost impossible not to think about Itachi and what he’d do if his brother came out. The way Hashirama danced around it made it seem almost crystal clear that Itachi was actually gay and waiting for a good time to come out. Maybe that was why he’d sent him on this trip, as a round about way of coming out. He rolled his eyes at the thought, that was so Itachi it hurt. But there was still the decision of what he would do if his parents disowned Itachi. It was, sadly, very possible since they had always been disgusted by things like that. He frowned as he thought about Itachi having to hear those jokes they made and the utter contempt in their voices as they saw some cross-dresser on TV. They had always made even him slightly uncomfortable but the pain must be amplified for Itachi.

Itachi had always taken care of Sasuke, had made him feel safe and secure, if not coddled at times, and been there for him when he needed him most. He resolved in his head that he would do the same for his brother now, he would stand up for him even his parents threatened to kick him out, would stop them from making their petty jokes at his expense. And having a gay brother, it wouldn’t be so bad… right?

He sighed and squinted up at the sun, jumping at an odd sensation against his legs and looked down to see little Niji rubbing up against him.

“I was wondering where you’d gone,” he said smiling down at the cat. He tried to get his wind-blown hair back in place but stopped after a bit, continuing his walk with his head tilted slightly to the side so he could see past his bangs as Niji pranced right by his side.

He made his way back to the house a little before one, his mind still a mess. He ran upstairs and grabbed his phone before the two of them headed out, checking it and seeing a message from Itachi. He opened it and saw a cute cat emoji and a heart with a wish of good travels. Smiling at his phone he typed back a thank you and sent away his despairing thoughts, now was not the time for that. He was on vacation, he should be enjoying himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If these experiences as a gay person don’t match up exactly with you own, that’s good!!! This is my story and how I personally have experienced life as a gay man so think of it as learning about a new perspective!!!!
> 
> Chapter title inspired by how whenever Sasuke thinks something about himself he now says “but Itachi” instead to clear up the doubt in his head which isn’t really any less selfish, just a way to work around your own feelings and deny anything’s wrong worrying your friends and family who care about you!! Next chapter things will start to pick up and the chapters themselves will get much longer (there’s not one under 2k words until ch 10 soooooo)
> 
> Also that fuckin tilted head thing… damn that’s a long bangs feel


	5. MLM

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we were supposed to meet Naruto chapters ago… sorry, I got caught up on Itachi… warning for politics and kind of technical talk about some historical stuff.
> 
> Also! I don’t live in, nor have I ever even been to Japan and though I have done a lot of research, I can assure you that the places I talk about in this chapter (can’t say the same for other chapters) are not real places inside this very real town of Wakkanai which I’m only using as a setting bc I’ve researched it for other stories.

The food at the restaurant had been just as good as Hashirama’s if not better and though he tried to be polite since his host said he would pay, he still ended up eating more than he should have as the Senju cousin pushed plate after plate on him. Hashirama laughed at his lethargy after the restaurant and they both agreed that maybe walking around a farm wasn’t the best idea after having eaten so much food. Sasuke had other reasons for not wanting to go but he kept those to himself.

They still drove through the farmlands however, venturing slightly out of the city and stopping at a different farm where Hashirama still seemed to know everyone. Sasuke awkwardly waited while his host bought vegetables and introduced him to everyone around him. This was why he hadn’t wanted to go to the farm, he hated having to meet so many new people and making idle chit chat while smiling politely just kind of exhausted him. It wasn’t like he hated people of anything, he just never felt like he could be himself around anyone.

“Are we going to have to meet more new people?” he asked as they got back into the car. Hashirama smiled at him.

“Meeting people not your thing?”

“I hate having to be so polite to people,” he admitted to which his host laughed uproariously.

“Oh, you don’t have to be polite,” he commented once his episode died down. “The people I know are all used to Madara so they wouldn’t think twice about it. Back when he was in figure skating, he had to be smiling and charismatic all the time so now he’s… well, he treats me with the utmost respect at least.” Sasuke raised an eyebrow at him and he just chuckled.

“I’d love to visit a farm if it didn’t require… socializing,” he acquiesced. It was true, it was one of the things he liked about the countryside, the distinct lack of people and though he vastly preferred the city there had always been something entrancing about leaving all of it behind.

The next place they went was a fish market at the coast of Wakkanai that took them about thirty minutes to get to from where they’d been and when he got out and smelled fish everywhere he felt rather disappointed.

“I feel like you’re just taking me grocery shopping at this point,” he complained. Hashirama, to his dismay, didn’t immediately deny it and instead seemed to ponder the statement.

“You might be right,” he said apologetically, “I must admit I’m not the best tour guide. I was thinking of going to the Pachinko Parlor next if you’re—”

“I’m not interested,” he deadpanned. He looked over at Hashirama blandly and saw the man pouting at him. “You’re not going to get me to agree like that.”

“Damn, it always works on Madara.”

“Well, surprisingly, I’m not your husband,” he said exasperatedly.

“Maybe not, but you are rather similar I think.” Sasuke gave him a disbelieving glance. “Hmm, you have similar hair color—”

“Most of Japan has the same hair color,” he interjected.

“Now, that’s just not true at all, Sasuke, every shade of Japanese hair is different in its own right, from the lightest blondes to the darkest ravens like you and my Madara. You’re also both incredibly grumpy and not fond of people, you tend to distance yourself from others and seem aloof and uncaring but deep down you have a fiery passion that cannot be quelled. Am I wrong?”

“I wouldn’t call it a ‘fiery passion’ and it’s not that I don’t like people, more they don’t like me. I—” He stopped abruptly, looking down confused as to why he was even telling the man any of this.

“Well, if that’s the case, how about I take you somewhere more suited to someone like yourself. Or, at least I hope it is. Have I said I’m not the best tour guide?” Sasuke gave the man a skeptical look and sighed at his bright smile.

They drove on back into the center of the city up to a single-story building next to the railroad that seemed rather nice except for its lack of windows. A patch of small white flowers grew between the railway and the parking lot, the wind blowing them so viciously Sasuke wondered how they hadn’t been torn out of the ground. He looked around him as they got out of the car, admiring the downtown area since he hadn’t really been there yet. It was quaint, compared to what he was used to. Most buildings were two floors and none exceeded six but it was lively, cars passed by constantly and although there weren’t as many people on the streets, they still passed, sometimes nodding to Hashirama as the man blabbed on about something he wasn’t really listening to.

“Everything’s so green,” he mumbled. It was true, there was bushes and grass and flowers and trees, mountains filled with them just past the lines of buildings. It was so hard for him to believe that just a ten-minute drive and he’d be up there, out of the city and experiencing true nature. Nature like that didn’t really exist in Tokyo, every park was made cookie-cutter perfect in its imitation of nature. There was something so confining about it. Sure, this town was quaint, but it was forgiving.

“What was that?” Hashirama asked him.

“Nothing,” he covered, looking down.

“Well,” Hashirama replied with a bright smile, “we should go inside, shouldn’t we?” Sasuke nodded and finally looked at the building again. There was a sign on the front that read ‘Konoha’ and nothing else. It was an odd name, written in romaji so it couldn’t be a name and from context they were in a city with no trees around for miles. But he pondered it only for a second before quickly following Hashirama into the building. There was another sign on the door warning that no one under twenty and it all fell into place. It was a bar, probably the one with the bands Hashirama had told him about yesterday.

Walking through the door he noticed the walls were very thick and it worried him slightly.

“Why are the walls so thick?” He asked quietly, mostly to himself.

“That would be the soundproofing,” he heard an unfamiliar voice say. He looked up and saw a man with silver hair, a face mask, and an eyepatch standing behind the bar, staring at him blandly. He squinted at the man, confused by his appearance. He looked kind of shifty but Sasuke couldn’t be certain, Hashirama didn’t seem like the type of person to put him in danger like that.

“Without them we wouldn’t be allowed to show the bands, all the neighbors already complain.” He looked over to where the voice had come from and saw a girl with pink hair, obviously dyed from the dark roots, sweeping off the stage in the right corner of the building. She seemed much less shifty despite her hair and he felt somewhat relaxed by her presence.

“That… makes sense,” he agreed. He looked around at the room, taking in the darkness and the lights above only the stage and the bar. There were tables with chairs all across the room, looking somewhat like a comedy bar than a music bar. But the stage was too large for just a single comedian and the music floating in the background was too heavy for a comedy bar. It was something English but not one he’d ever heard of.

“Oi! Hashirama! You’re a bit early, ain’t ya?” The new voice had a very distinctive Kansai accent that Sasuke found himself cringing at slightly. He looked to where the voice came from and his mind stopped for a second as he took in the blond on the other side of the room. He was rather short compared to the other man carrying the box and had much darker skin with bright blue eyes wide and almost seemed to be sparkling. In fact, everything about him seemed to sparkle.

“Naruto, please, you can talk to him later, just focus on this right now,” the pale man said as he struggled. Sasuke had to jerk his head away from naruto to take in the other man, whom he didn’t give nearly as much attention.

“You oughta be used to this, Sai, you’ve been working here the longest. Where’d all your muscle go?” Naruto retorted, showing his own strength by throwing the amp slightly as the other man almost tripped over himself and then catching it again with ease. Sasuke scoffed at the display of strength, drawing unwanted attention to his presence as the blonde glared at him. “And who’s that you brought with you?”

“Ah, he is why I’m here early. This is Uchiha Sasuke,” Hashirama announced rather proudly. Sasuke felt a little uncomfortable as they all started staring at him.

“The Uchiha Sasuke?” Naruto whispered vehemently as Sasuke winced internally. That certainly wasn’t a good sign.

“Really? Itachi’s little brother?” the pink-haired girl asked. Sasuke was, to say the least, incredibly uncomfortable.

“The very same,” Hashirama said, patting Sasuke on the back.

“How do you even know my brother?” he asked.

“He’s the only person other than Hashirama that Madara’s ever spoken fondly of,” the masked man explained. “And by proxy you as well, though perhaps not as fondly as Itachi.”

“It’s a miracle, honestly,” Naruto grumbled.

“We were hoping to meet Itachi first since we know more about him, but you’ll do,” Sai said bluntly as they put the amp down by the stage.

“Sai!” the pink-haired girl scolded with a glare. The man simply gave her a horribly fake smile as Naruto pat his back and chuckled.

“Well, it’s true, Sakura. I’d like to meet the life-saving doctor rather than the—lawyer?” he asked, looking over to Sasuke for clarification.

“Not yet,” Sasuke said through gritted teeth.

“Law student then,” he corrected, “probably with the LDP too.”

“Oh, come no—”

“As if I would ever lie with those LDP dogs,” Sasuke snarled, interrupting Hashirama’s attempt to calm them. There was nothing more he hated than being associated with them even though it was inevitable in the current political climate and his profession.

“Oh? What part are you with, then?” The blonde seemed pleasantly surprised but Sasuke wouldn’t back down.

“JCP,” he stated squarely. That got a shocked look on nearly everyone in the room. Only Hashirama didn’t seem surprised and that was probably because he already knew, he wasn’t exactly private about his affiliations.

“The Communists?” Naruto choked out.

“I did a small project on communist law in undergrad and it slowly became an obsession, I’d say I know more about it than half the party,” he said with a smug smirk. “And what party are you with?”

“The CDP,” the other gritted out. Sasuke felt like he had the upper-hand now, as the man seemed annoyed with his own affiliation. He felt his eyes sparkle with pride at having annoyed this man so.  
“Such wishy-washy politics, Naruto-san, I wouldn’t think someone who makes snap judgements about another’s affiliation would belong to such a spineless party.” He could practically hear the other man grinding his teeth from across the room.

“Sometimes it’s about making change from within, Sasuke-san, and how much political power does your party hold these days, anyway? How many seats did you lost last election?”

“How can you make change from a party that barely has a political stance in the first place? They’re so new no one even knows what they stand for, when they grow you’ll see how they’re no threat to the LDP like the JCP is,” he retorted. He looked around and saw that no one was going to stop them anymore and he wondered why. The silver-haired man looked vaguely amused, Sakura looked bored and Sai was now wiping glasses behind the bar.

Half an hour later they were sitting at the bar, still going at it as Sakura brought in the rest of the stage equipment by herself and Sai cleaned the tables. The silver-haired man who’s name he later found out was Kakashi, sat and shared a drink with Hashirama as they watched the two of them continue arguing.  
“Have you ever even read any of Mao’s works? How do you know what he thought?” he asked when the blond questioned how much he really knew about Chinese Communism.

“No, I haven’t read any of his books but I know what happened in the people’s revolution! So much culture lost, so much knowledge gone,” Naruto complained.

“The culture wasn’t lost,” he scoffed. “The only thing that was lost was the culture of the bourgeoisie, the elitist power structure that thought they were too good for the real culture of China which lives on in its peasants.”

“If the culture really wasn’t lost and it was just about the ‘elitist structure’ how come everyone stopped wearing their traditional clothes? What about the peasant’s clothes said they needed to change? Why did they just go into pseudo-soviet attire rather than just making everyone wear peasant’s clothes?”  
“It was more practical, it was a symbol of their commitment to work—”

“Oh, really now? Really, it was a symbol of commitment rather than Mao Zedong just trying to emulate daddy Stalin? As if the peasants hadn’t been committed to their work for literal centuries before then while wearing those exact same clothes?”

“It—”

“You don’t seem the type to be a Stalinist, am I right?”

“I wouldn’t say he’s the best successor to Lenin’s legacy but—”

“Then how can you align yourself so vehemently with someone who was nothing but a puppet dictator trying to make China into an exact copy of the Stalinist Soviets?”

“I—” he stopped himself, opening and closing his mouth like some kind of idiot fish as a wicked grin spread across Naruto’s face.

“Ah-ha! I did it! Kakashi-sensei, you see that? He’s speechless! I did it! I beat the lawyer at his own game,” he announced proudly.

“Good job, Naruto,” Kakashi commented idly.

“I don’t even want to be a lawyer,” Sasuke said with a pout.

“Eh? Really? Then why are you in law school?” Naruto asked. He looked up at the blond, wondering if he should tell him when it just spilled out of his mouth.

“I like the study of law, I just hate the practice.”

“Do you want to go into politics then?”

“I’d hate that even more. I hate debating about things I believe in so much and feel like no one was listening to me when nothing changed.” Naruto grinned.

“You seem to enjoy debating this stuff with me just fine,” he remarked.

“Well, you—” you listen to me, he almost finished before he could stop himself. He didn’t know why he felt like the man was listening to him at all, for all he knew the man was laughing at him in his head and didn’t take him seriously but that wasn’t the vibe he got. From what he’d said and the way he argued with him, Naruto seemed to take his ideals very seriously and genuinely considered him whenever Sasuke made a point he couldn’t refute, which had definitely happened since their score was now 4-1.

“So what do you want to do, then, if you don’t want to be a lawyer but you still want to study law?” Naruto asked, immediately seeing his weakest point and going straight for it.

“A professor, maybe? History? Philosophy? It’s a work in progress,” he finished with a shrug.

“I think you’d make a fun philosophy professor. I’d take your lecture for sure,” Naruto said genuinely. Surprised, Sasuke couldn’t help the blush that spread across his face. “If only to argue with you every class.” Sasuke’s blush faded quickly, replaced by a scowl.

“I’m glad you two seem to be getting along,” Hashirama interjected, a warm smile on his face as he watched the two. Sasuke wouldn’t deny that he actually rather liked the loud blond despite their difference in politics. It was always nice to find a good debate partner and one who genuinely respected his opinions was even rarer.

“Eh, he’s not as bad as Madara let on,” Naruto said with a shrug. Sasuke looked between the two of them in confusion as Hashirama shot him a disappointed scowl and Naruto’s eyes widened.

“Wh—"

“Madara is quick to judge when it comes to people he doesn’t know personally, he simply takes Itachi’s words and changes them to fit his own his own interpret,” Hashirama explained rapidly.

“Hm,” Sasuke acquiesced with a slight frown.

“Hey, Sakura, change it to my playlist, would you?” Hashirama asked the girl now carrying a bass drum to the stage. She shrugged as she put the heavy drum down as if it were a piece of paper and walked behind the bar, looking down at something below the dip in the counter. The music suddenly changed from that kind of depressing English music the Sasuke had kind of been enjoying to something he sadly recognized.

“City pop, really?” he deadpanned.

“What?” Hashirama said, scandalized.

“He’s right, Senju-san, you really have shit taste in music,” Naruto agreed.

“Would you not say that in front of Junko, she’s very sensitive,” Kakashi chastised, putting his hands over the screen of the table Sasuke now saw under the lip of the bar. He rolled his eyes and saw Naruto do the same.

“I forgot you agreed with him, Kakashi-sensei. God, how can you listen to this stuff?” Naruto commented.

“Young people,” Hashirama sighed, shaking his head at Kakashi who nodded in conciliation.

“While we’re stuck listening to this shit, what kind of music do you listen to, Sasuke?” Sasuke raised a brow at the lack of honorific but let it slide for the moment.

“I don’t really listen to music often,” he replied. “Classical sometimes, Itachi likes jazz and big band, enka isn’t bad either.” The look Naruto was giving him said he didn’t approve of that either. “What?”

“So you just like the music your brother likes, then?” He asks with a sigh.

“Yeah? I don’t have much time to listen music. Too busy working,” he retaliates.

“Well, you’ve got time now. Senju-san, I’m sorry but can I turn it to something else?” Hashirama sighed and nodded. A wicked smile spread across Naruto’s face as he picked up the tablet and scrolled through whatever app was playing the music. “All right, now wait for this to be the best shit you’ve ever heard.”  
He listened as the music filtered through his ears, a mix of synth, rhythm guitar, drum, and something he didn’t exactly know what it was. He turned to look at Kakashi and Hashirama, Hashirama looking into his drink with disappointment and Kakashi closing his eyes, nodding along with the beat. The lyrics were in English so he couldn’t follow them well but he preferred the sound anyway, and this man’s voice was, while not the most melodic, a very good fit for the style of the song. Overall, he found himself enjoying the tune.

“The Talking Heads, really?” Sakura interrupted, taking him out of his moment.

“Yeah, Sakura, you got a problem with that?” Naruto retorted and the she rolled her eyes.

“Not a problem, really, but look at him. You can tell he’d be more of a fan of The Cure, for sure.” Sasuke narrowed his eyes at the assessment, what did that mean?

“Hmm,” Naruto assessed him as well and Sasuke fixed him with a tired glare as well. “You might be right. But do you like it, Sasuke?”

Sasuke shrugged noncommittally, not going to give them the satisfaction of knowing they had found something he liked on the first try. Naruto gave him a look as if he knew he was lying to them but shook his head and looked back down at the tablet.

“Fine, then, The Cure,” Naruto conceded with annoyance. This time the guitar started the song, leading into a riff he found himself rather familiar with.

“I know this song,” he said pensively. He watched Naruto and Sakura’s eyes widen as they exchange glances. Sakura’s shocked expression turned into one of triumph as she smiled wickedly at Naruto who pinched his lips and glared at her.

“Really? Where from?” Sakura asked, an edge of smugness to her voice.

“It’s a new addition to Itachi’s driving playlist, I think.” He heard a snort coming from Hashirama’s direction and turned to the man with a raised eyebrow. The man smiled and waved his hand to dismiss his concern with an obvious beer foam moustache and Kakashi looking tiredly down at where his drink was spilling over his glass. Sasuke looked at him in slight disgust but decided he didn’t want to ask. Sakura was still smiling though less viciously now and she came over to him, slapping him on the back so hard he almost flinched.

“Well, your brother has good taste in some things I guess,” she said emphatically. He narrowed his eyes at her and looked at Naruto who immediately looked away, a tiny amused smirk on his face.

“Senju-san, you beer is overflowing,” Sai called. Hashirama jumped and cursed as he looked down at his now-wet sleeve and the puddle the drink made around his glass.

“You’re cleaning that up, Hashirama,” Kakashi sighed. Hashirama looked down in defeat.

“You’re so rude to your customers Kakashi, you ought to have a little more respect,” he complained.

“I might have more if you came in when we were open.” Hashirama sank even further into himself until his hair touched the spilled beer and he jumped.

“I’ll help you, Senju-san,” Sai offered, coming over with a roll of paper towels.

“You’re a blessing, Sai.” The man just smiled that obviously fake smile as they wiped up the mess.

“He’s never gonna let you in his pants, Sai, you should know this by now,” Naruto said in annoyance.

Sasuke froze for a second but calmed himself down quickly, telling himself of course there would be other gay people in this town and of course they all knew about Hashirama already since they’d met Madara. He watched Sai roll his eyes and Hashirama smile brilliantly.

“It doesn’t hurt to try, Sai, but you are much too young for me,” he said with a laugh. Sai shrugged and left him to clean up by himself which Hashirama made pout. “You’re all a bunch of egoists!”

“Sai hits on every old, rich man that comes in here,” Naruto whispered to him conspiratorially, “he has no life goals so he’s just trying to get a sugar daddy instead.” Sasuke’s eyes widened in dismay, he’d heard of women like that but never thought there would be men as well. “I know, right?”

“I see you two whispering over there, laughing at me! Don’t think I don’t see you!” Hashirama yelled in indignation.

“Oh, Senju-san, we would never,” Naruto said cheekily. They really hadn’t been, but Sasuke wasn’t going to tell him otherwise, giving an amused huff instead.

“You know, the only reason I’m here is because I’m such a shit tour guide,” Hashirama complained as he sulked over his newly-cleaned bar seat.

“We’ve all taken your tours so we know that,” Sakura said, “but was it really necessary to drop him on us instead?”

“Well, you all seem to get along just fine so I don’t see the problem with it,” he replied.

“The problem is that we’re not open yet, Hashirama,” Sakura berated.

“You’re so much meaner than my Tsunade, are you really her prize student?” This seemed to really piss the pink-haired girl off as she literally snapped the broom handle in half. Sasuke widened his eyes at the show of brute force.

“She’s only nice to you because you’re her uncle! The rest of us wish you’d go back to Tokyo!” She said angrily, clenching both sticks of her broom. Hashirama said nothing, sulking over his new beer.

“You broke the broom, Sakura,” Kakashi complained pathetically. Sakura took a few breaths to cool herself off before answering.

“I’m sorry, I’ll go get another one,” she apologized. “And Hashirama-san, I’m sorry, we do miss you when you go back to Tokyo.” She kissed the back of his head in apology as Kakashi gave her some money to go get a new broom.

“I don’t mind you bringing him here,” Naruto commented after she’d left. Sasuke was genuinely surprised by the words but didn’t let it show on his face. “I always enjoy a good debate partner.”

“Eh? You like him, Naruto?” Hashirama was suddenly excited again, clasping his drink and staring at Naruto with stars in his eyes.

“Uh, sure?”

“Then would you want to take him on the tour instead?” Naruto and Sasuke looked at each other, Sasuke’s face a blank canvas compared to Naruto’s annoyed slack-jaw.

“You’re just trying to dump him on me so you can go play pachinko, aren’t you?” Naruto griped  
.  
“No, no, of course not, it’s just I’ve got this very important presentation in a couple days and I’ll be leaving tomorrow so…” Hashirama smiled brightly at him, so radiant that Sasuke almost wanted to squint like he was looking at the sun.

“Hmm, well, it might be fun. And if I can prove I’m a better tour guide than you it’ll definitely be worth it. So, fine, I’ll do it.” Hashirama literally gasped.

“Good, great, now. I will be back in a few hours. You three have fun, and you try again in twenty years, Sai!” Hashirama said and rushed out of the bar.

“Are you quite sure you won’t be dead by then, Senju-san?” Sai asked the closing door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have never read a book written by a communist and I never will but I’ll always be a commie bastard bet your ass on that. Tho tbh I tend to agree with Naruto more on this exact topic of Maoism.
> 
> Junko I’m so sorry they were so mean to you don’t worry my dear I love you I promise (the artist referenced in the story is Junko Ohashi, a citypop artist whom I highly recommend ^^). Also the whole “He probably likes the Cure” is a joke about him looking emo lol (the song is Boys Don’t Cry bc I’m obsessed w/ it). Because I have the music taste of someone 8 years older than me lol
> 
> They All Know Everything Except Sasuke (which is why he’ll continue to be our narrator) but Hashirama’s bad at keeping secrets. This is really hard for him which is why he left early, to go call Madara and yell about his anxieties (not actually at the Pachinko parlor) :(
> 
> JCP- Japanese Communist Party (should be self-explanatory)
> 
> CDP- Constitutional Democratic Party, centre-left and formed in 2017 from the Democratic Party schism. Obviously very new but has a surprising amount of influence, most likely from the old Democratic party, we’ll see where the future takes them.
> 
> LDP- Liberal democratic Party, most dominant party in Japan’s political sphere, very conservative and led by the prime minister, Shinzo Abe
> 
> Romaji- romanized letters so basically just the alphabet :)


	6. Be Gone Gay Thots

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise no more music talk and only minimal politics talk from here on out it’s all psychology and sociology (but if I do ever mention music again, assume they’re listening to the Talking Heads bc I literally don’t listen to anything else).
> 
> Basically the idea here is to stuff as many gay people around Sasuke as I possibly can to try and get him to realize his own feelings.
> 
> TW: panic attack and possible emetophobia (no actual v)

“Sasuke?” the voice that called his name was unfamiliar when he looked over to the source he saw the neighbor girl and her… brother? Cousin? Niji, no, Neji. Niji was the cat. The girl was… yeah, there was no way he was going to remember that one. He nodded slightly in her direction and she turned back to her… relative, pulling his sleeve. Neji was right behind her, arguing with some guy with a bowl cut and girl with two buns. The ones from yesterday. Neji turned around at his relative’s insistence and his eyes widened as he saw Sasuke sitting at the bar.

“Let me guess, Hashirama bailed on the tour and left you here?” the man asked with a knowing look. Sasuke nodded solemnly. “Of course.”

“Ah, then you have seen the true personality of our town’s most prestigious resident!” The man with the bowl cut piped in.

“That Hashirama, prancing around like he still owns the place,” the girl with the buns added. Neji nodded in agreement.

“Ah, Sasuke, this is Tenten and Lee, and of course my cousin Hinata. Tenten, Lee, this is Sasuke,” Neji introduced.

“Ah! Itachi’s little brother!” Tenten exclaimed. He wondered why so many people knew his fucking brother but instead of saying that, sighed in resignation. They all settled down at a table near him, waiting for the show that was supposed to start in the next couple of hours.

Once Hashirama had left, Naruto had gone on for a bit about all the places they could go and suggested they exchange numbers so they could align their schedules since Naruto, and apparently Sakura, had jobs other than those at the bar and were pretty busy people. He had been kind of unsure of giving his number to someone he barely knew since all his contacts currently were his family and a few business contacts, but with a bright smile and a small plea from Naruto, he’d easily given it up.

It was kind of annoying how easily the blond saw through him, knew exactly how to push his buttons and immediately get what he wanted whether it was his phone number or a lively debate. It was slightly infuriating but he couldn’t find it in himself to be genuinely annoyed since Naruto didn’t seem to have an insincere bone in his body. Instead he sat in front of Naruto as he wiped the bar and greeted customers coming in enthusiastically with his hands folded in front of him, eyes closed pensively, and ear open as he listened in on the hubbub of the bar.

He turned around slightly at the exasperated sound of Tenten’s voice telling Lee to calm down for the fifth time, seeing the group only in his peripheral as he observed them. Tenten and Lee were talking to Sakura, Hinata, and two people he didn’t know as Neji sat quietly beside them. He’d never really been good at reading people and never really cared to but he figured he should probably put in some effort if he was going to get to the bottom of this situation with Itachi. Sometimes he really hated his brother.

Neji, Lee, and Tenten all seemed very close, though Neji and Lee were sitting the closest with Tenten on the other side of the table. Neji said close to nothing, only occasionally agreeing with Tenten, and smiling lightly when Lee yelled at him for not having enough passion. Looking at the two of them closer, he watched Neji pass glances at the boisterous man whenever he wasn’t looking though as soon as he did, Tenten would shoot him a look of annoyance to which he’d give a glare in return.

Turning to the other table with Sakura, Hinata, and the other two he doesn’t recognize gives him a very different scene. Sakura and Hinata are close, so close that their shoulders are almost touching and they are mostly talking to each other, kind of ignoring those around them and smiling and blushing at each other while the other two at the table talk, or yell, really, at Lee. Mostly about the importance of enka.

“Neji’s had a crush on Lee since forever but Lee’s an oblivious idiot and Tenten eggs Neji on to do something about it,” Naruto commentates, somehow addressing the exact question on his mind. “Sakura and Hinata aren’t technically dating, but they might as well be, probably aren’t because Hinata’s too shy and Sakura doesn’t want to push her. She’ll get tired of that eventually and push her against a wall at some point, which is exactly what Hinata wants.”

Sasuke was quiet for a second as he thought about what the blond said. So at least three of the people of the seven here were gay? That was… a good portion. He frowned as he found himself incapable of rectifying how he thought of this. Some part of him wanted to run, the part that made him almost incapable of talking to Hashirama. But he was also slightly ashamed of that urge, watching Neji give those forlorn glances and the cute blushes between Hinata and Sakura. He frowned lightly at the bar.

“You’re not used to being around gay people, are you?” Naruto asked and he froze for a second, wondering if he was really that easy to read or if it was just Naruto.

“I… guess not,” he replied.

“That’s fine,” Naruto said with a shrug. “But you better get used to it fast, Hashirama attracts gay people like moths to a flame.” His grin was wicked and Sasuke felt his eyes widen against his will. Was that how he’d met his brother? Had his older brother been attracted to Hashirama? Earlier it hadn’t seemed like his relationship with Madara was what had gotten in the way of hooking up with Sai, just his age. His brother was quite a few years older than him, almost in his thirties. Had he met Hashirama through that? He suddenly felt a little queasy, thinking about his brother and sex was bound to do that.

“So, those two, Lee and Neji, do you think Neji has any chance?” He asked quickly to get his mind off the thought.

“Hmm? Neji? Oh, for sure. Lee treasures him desperately and we’re not sure of his sexuality but our group already has a token straight so I doubt he wouldn’t be into it. Honestly, he might have a crush on him as well he’s just that emotionally constipated.”

“Really? He looks so open.”

“Yeah, well, sometimes the happiest people are the saddest inside.” Sasuke got the distinct feeling he wasn’t talking about Lee anymore and frowned. He didn’t push, however, he’d only just me this man and it was way too soon to be delving into such personal details.

“Sometimes the saddest people really shouldn’t be,” he said about himself. He knew he had no reason to like he was, and he always felt so stupid for being so ridiculous all the time. He watched Naruto’s eyes widen and then crinkle into the kindest smile Sasuke was sure he’d ever seen in his life.

“And sometimes no reason is every reason,” he continued and Sasuke felt his heart skip a beat as he looked into those sparkling blue eyes. Suddenly he felt the need to escape, leave the presence of this man who saw through him so clearly, like his entire being was on display. He had nowhere to run, though, and all he could do was sit there and attempt to return the smile offered to him. He probably failed miserably if Naruto’s laugh was anything to go by.

“Are you half-Japanese?” He asked suddenly, trying to change the subject.

“That’s, ah, complicated. My mom’s from Osaka and dad’s from Sakhalin so I guess.” Naruto looked very apprehensive to answer and he sighed internally at his failure to find a good new topic. “But I was born and raised in Osaka and moved back here because of reasons. You’re from Tokyo, right?”

“No, Yokohama actually. I moved to Tokyo for school.”

“You say that like Yokohama and Tokyo are different cities,” Naruto scoffed.

“They’re in different prefectures,” he argued.

“Yeah, but they’re on the same bay and have literally the same culture. It’s like two sides of the same coin.”

“You could say the same for Kyoto and Osaka, the saying works better there than it does with Tokyo and Yokohama. You’re just mad because Osaka’s been on the decline since the nineties, admit it.” Naruto glared at him and he knew he’d won.

“You win this round, Uchiha, just know that one day Yokohama will go through the same pain Osaka has.”  
“All I see here is a sore loser and a five-to-one-win record on my part.” He smirked deviously at Naruto who rolled his eyes with a small smile.

“I’m back!” Sasuke jumped as Hashirama re-entered the bar loudly. He looked over at the man and his eyes narrowed slightly as the man ran over to him. “Sasuke, I’m so sorry, I never should have abandoned you.”

“Whatever,” he replied nonchalantly.

“Are you and Naruto still getting along?” He asked happily, patting Sasuke on the back.

“Yeah, or, well, I think so,” Naruto answered, looking at him expectantly.

“He’s fine,” Sasuke said with a shrug. Naruto pouted and he smirked in return, feeling warmth fill him at the playful exchange.

“That’s good, good. So, how’s Kurama?” Hashirama continued at Naruto. He quietly watched the two of them talk, their animated expressions and movements building a warm atmosphere that slowly encompassed him and closed out the rest of the bar until everyone else was just background noise.

The bright smiles on Naruto’s face and his manic hand movements were somehow entrancing and he felt himself staring at the man, not really listening to anything they were saying but just kind of appreciating his sweet eyes that crinkled when he laughed or squinted when Hashirama said something he could just tell was completely idiotic.

He turned away when he felt a small smile grow on his own face, covering it with his hand as he berated his subconscious for thinking Naruto looked cute, of all things. But it was just a fact, right, you’d be blind to not think this brilliant and kind-hearted man who pouted when he didn’t get his way and was way too easily excited wasn’t cute.

Smirking at the thought, he turned back to the other two, seeing Naruto looking at him out of the corner of his eye. He gives the other a raised brow as Hashirama goes on about something and Naruto smiles in amusement, winking back at him. Sasuke feels his eyes widen drastically and turned away again, desperately pushing down the heat that threatens to rise in his cheeks. What the hell is that? Why the hell did he do that? It was probably just some fun little thing Naruto did, he really shouldn’t overthink it, should he?

Maybe he shouldn’t, but he couldn’t not overthink, not with that stupid smile and those dopey eyes, and tanned cheeks that had the smallest dimples when he laughed so hard you could feel your own breath running out. What the fuck did any of that even mean? Naruto was a friend, a new friend, and a good person. A friend who’s lips were chapped, he noticed upon further inspection. He always kept chapstick in his pocket, should he offer it to him? Maybe not.

The band finally came out and he watched as they all cheered, clapping along quietly as they got on the stage. Everyone was silent as they played and he found himself watching the table with the bun girl, bowl cut, and Neji. Bowl cut cheered raucously at the end of each song and immediately turned to Neji, getting way too close and whispering something that made Neji close his eyes and smile amusedly every time. Every time they did that, Sasuke was almost sure they were going to kiss and it couldn’t be helped that he found it impossible to turn away, it was just so odd.

But what would happen if the really did kiss? He could easily picture it in his head with how close they got to each other and as he did he froze, his stomach clenching as something within him turned sour.

“Hey, you okay?” It’s Naruto. Slowly, he turns back to the bar, staring directly at the blond as he nods jerkily. “Well, if you need anything, just let me know.”

Another wink. What was up with those damn winks? It made him feel strange to be given so much attention by Naruto and he somehow felt like he didn’t deserve it. Unbidden, another image popped in his head of him and Naruto in the same position as Neji and Bowl Cut had been in, leaning close and smiling as the whispering to each other before—his breathing stopped as the thought of him and Naruto kissing passed through his mind. He forced himself to take a few deep breaths but didn’t have much luck, feeling his mouth water and bile rose in his throat.

“Where’s the restroom?” he demanded. Naruto’s eyes widened and he pointed to a small hallway at the end of the bar. Sasuke immediately got up and rushed in as composed a way as he could towards the bathroom, trying to ignore the two worried pairs of eyes on his back.

Thankfully there was no one in the bathroom so he went into one of the stalls and got on his knees, holding his face over the seat as drool pooled in his mouth, hot and icky. No vomit came out, however, and soon he found himself choking for air as he drowned in his own saliva. What a stupid way to die, he thought absently as his throat clenched and tried to swallow the air that just wasn’t entering his lungs.

He gasped and shook, his mouth watering horribly as he took ragged breaths out, releasing the almost non-existent air that still circulated his lungs. White-hot tears pricked his eyes, not that he was sad or upset in anyway, he just couldn’t stop them for some reason. He shut his eyes as tightly as he could and wished it all away. Wished he could breathe and that his face would stop burning and that he wasn’t acting like this in such a public place. So stupid.

After sobbing and shaking on the ground for about five minutes, surprised neither Hashirama nor Naruto had come in to check on him, he was able to take a few deep breaths and tried to continue that pattern by trying not to focus on anything and just letting things take their natural path.

“Sasuke?” It was Naruto again. “You okay?”

“I’m fine,” he groaned from the floor, obviously not fine.

“Wow, for a lawyer you’re a really shitty liar, you know.”

“Shut up,” he grumbled, somehow feeling slightly better.

“Did you eat something bad? You haven’t had any alcohol here at least. Who knows where Hashirama took you before here—"

“I’m not throwing up,” he interrupts, lifting himself off the floor.

“Oh. Well, that’s good. Feeling better at least?” Sasuke stood and unlocked the stall door, looking at Naruto who stood by the door and swallowed the apprehensiveness that rose in his throat. He didn’t need to think about that ever again.

“Yeah,” he said as steadily as he could and cursed himself for still sounding so shaky. Naruto smiled brightly at him and he shoved down the part of him that almost lost his footing as he walked back to him and out into the noisy but anonymous space of the bar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Technically (technically) this town does not have a gay bar. However, there will always be a bar where all the gays like to hang out in a town and though it is unofficial Konoha is that bar in this town. Naruto totally knows Sasuke was staring at him but also assumes (correctly so) that he isn’t out to himself so like only minimal flirting
> 
> Sakhalin is a Russian island just north of Japan, the one you can (kind of) see from Cape Soya, the most northern point of Japan. Uh. I know a stupid amount of info about this so I’ll stop there to avoid infodumping. I probably won’t go much deeper into Naruto’s nationality in the story bc after that interaction I think (hope) Sasuke would be a lot more hesitant to bring such a thing up again but I do have a kind of set idea for his identity bc it is a… little complicated given my knowledge of Japanese history lol. Also the arguing about cities is based around arguments I’ve had myself so it’s kinda yeah

**Author's Note:**

> AN: it’s also the internalized homophobia


End file.
